When Spiritual Signs Aren’t Real Confirmation

Ezra James i

So, um, Dr. Naomi, if if a guy prays the exact same verse you prayed in your closet that morning, or or if you meet on a rainy Tuesday when you specifically asked God for a rainy Tuesday, is that, is that a divine sign or is that just, you know, classic confirmation bias?

Dr. Naomi Ellis

Uh, it is almost always emotional chemistry wrapped in spiritual language, Ezra. We, we have this habit in Christian culture of taking high emotional intensity and labeling it as the Holy Spirit. But, um, spiritual coincidences are not covenant confirmations.

Ezra James i

Right, right.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

If a man quotes scripture to you on day one, it might just mean he knows scripture. It does not mean he has the character to carry a marriage.

Erica R Bell

Mm. You know, that reminds me so much of, um, a woman who reached out to our community recently, Maya. She is thirty one, loves God with everything in her, and she met this guy. On their very first coffee date, he literally quoted Jeremiah 29 eleven to her over his latte. He talked about God's plan, God's timing, how he was looking for a Proverbs 31 woman.

Selah Grace

Wait, on the first date?

Erica R Bell

The very first date, Selah. And Maya was so moved. She went home, wrote in her journal that God had finally sent her husband. Fast forward four months later. He was, um, completely evasive about his past, he wouldn't commit to consistent plans, and whenever she asked for basic clarity, he would say, well, we just need to pray and let God move, Maya.

Ezra James i

Oh, wow. He used spiritual language to hide emotional laziness.

Erica R Bell

Exactly. Four months of complete confusion. And, and I sit here listening to her story and, um, I have to be honest with you all, I, I did the exact same thing about three years ago.

Selah Grace

Did you?

Erica R Bell

I did. I met someone, and the chemistry was just, it was off the charts. We had the exact same ministry goals, we both wanted to travel, we even prayed over our meals with so much passion. I, I had those intense romantic butterflies, you know, that feeling in your chest where you think, this has to be God because it feels so powerful.

Ezra James i

Yeah, the spark.

Erica R Bell

The spark! But deep down, underneath all that emotional noise, there was this tiny, quiet gut feeling. A check in my spirit that something wasn't right. He was secretive about his phone, he was hot and cold with his attention, but I ignored it because I thought, well, the signs line up, so I must be crazy.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

And that is where so many believers get trapped, Erica. We trade discernment for romantic excitement.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

We have to look at what the word actually teaches us about testing these connections. In First John chapter four, verse one, it says, Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God. Notice it does not say, test the sparks or test the feelings. It says test the spirits. And how do we test them? We look at Galatians chapter five, verses twenty two and twenty three, the Fruit of the Spirit.

Selah Grace

Self control, gentleness, truthfulness.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

Yes! Under pressure. Anyone can recite scripture in a quiet living room. Spiritual giftings and church vocabulary mean absolutely zero if the Fruit of the Spirit is absent when things get uncomfortable.

Ezra James i

Um, can I, can I jump in here from a guy's perspective? Because I, I think I need to be real about how men think sometimes.

Erica R Bell

Please, Ezra, go there.

Ezra James i

Look, as a man, I know that if I enter a Christian dating space, throwing around words like, oh, God laid you on my heart, or I'm seeking spiritual headship, it fast tracks trust. It opens doors that would normally take months to unlock. And some men, whether they do it consciously or subconsciously, they weaponize godly talk.

Selah Grace

They use it as emotional leverage.

Ezra James i

They really do. They use scripture to create an instant intimacy that they haven't earned through consistent character. There is a world of difference between a man who genuinely fears God in his private life, when nobody is watching, and a man who just knows how to perform spiritual buzzwords to win a woman's heart.

Erica R Bell

So how do you spot the difference, Ezra?

Ezra James i

You stop listening to what he says on Sunday morning and start watching how he lives on Tuesday afternoon. Does he follow through on small promises? Is he honest when he makes a mistake, or does he hide behind religious excuses?

Selah Grace

You know, um, wait a minute, Ezra, that reminds me of something I learned the hard way a few years back. Spiritual alignment is never proven in public ministry settings. It is revealed in the small, unscripted moments of everyday life.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

Mm, tell us about that, Selah.

Selah Grace

I was dating a man who led worship. On stage, he looked so connected to God, so humble. But then we would go out to dinner afterward, and if the server brought the wrong order, his tone would turn sharp, entitled, impatient. Or if we got stuck in traffic, he would explode with frustration. I realized, oh, his spiritual performance is for the crowd, but his character under pressure is the real man.

Erica R Bell

That is such a powerful distinction. Watch how they treat people who can do nothing for them.

Selah Grace

Which brings up a question I think we need to wrestle with. Is it possible for a person to be genuinely godly, truly loving Jesus, and still be completely, utterly wrong for you to marry?

Ezra James i

Uh, I, I would actually push back on how we frame that, Selah. I think if two people are truly walking with God and mature in their faith, God can make it work. A lot of times it is just a matter of timing and personal maturity. If he is on the journey, God can align his heart over time.

Selah Grace

No, Ezra, I disagree with that. I really do. Potential is not current functional capacity. A man can love God with all his heart, but if he lacks the emotional health, the financial responsibility, or the ability to communicate safely today, he is not sent by God for you right now. You cannot marry someone's potential and then resent them for their reality.

Erica R Bell

Ouch. That hits right where so many women live, Selah.

Selah Grace

Because as women, we have this bad habit of prophesying over a man's potential. We see a spark of devotion and we build a whole future in our minds, ignoring the fact that his present behavior is chaotic.

Ezra James i

Okay, fair, but from the male side, when a man is not emotionally ready, he often sends mixed signals because his heart is conflicted. He wants the companionship, he loves her spirit, but he knows inside he hasn't done the healing work. So he pulls close, then he retreats.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

And that brings us straight to God's heart on this. Amos chapter three, verse three asks, Can two walk together unless they are agreed? And Proverbs twenty seven seventeen talks about iron sharpening iron. God's sending in a relationship always produces mutual clarity, emotional safety, and shared accountability. It never produces constant confusion or hypervigilance.

Erica R Bell

If you constantly feel like you are walking on eggshells, that is not God building your patience. That is a warning system.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

Let us look at Colossians chapter three, verse fifteen. It says, Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts. In the original Greek, that word for rule is umpire. The peace of God is supposed to act as an umpire in your life. What does an umpire do? An umpire calls out what is safe and what is out.

Ezra James i

Mm, that is good.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

The Holy Spirit signals divine approval not through chaotic emotional highs or dramatic fireworks, but through a settled, abiding stillness. If a relationship brings constant anxiety, sleepless nights, and emotional chaos, the umpire is blowing the whistle.

Erica R Bell

You know, there is a very practical test for this. I call it the defending in private test. If you find yourself constantly defending his behavior to your close friends, saying things like, oh well, you just don't know his heart, or he is going through a tough season, but then when you are alone in your room, you have this heavy, sick, anxious knot in your gut, listen to that knot.

Selah Grace

Your spirit is rejecting what your mind is trying to justify.

Erica R Bell

Exactly, Selah. Exactly.

Ezra James i

And that connects right to Proverbs chapter eleven, verse fourteen, where there is no counsel, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety. A connection that is sent by God will always stand up to community vetting. A man sent by God will eagerly step into the light, introduce himself to your mentors, your family, your pastors, and seek their wisdom.

Erica R Bell

Yes! But a deceptive connection will try to isolate you. They will say things like, well, this is just between us and God, we don't need other people's opinions.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

Isolation is always the enemy's playground, always.

Erica R Bell

So as we begin to wrap up this conversation today, I want us to do a real heart check. If you are listening right now, pull over if you are driving, or just take a deep breath wherever you are, and ask yourself these four questions.

Selah Grace

Number one: Am I falling in love with who this person actually is today, or an idealized version of who I am praying they will become?

Ezra James i

Number two: Does being around them make it easier or harder for me to hear God's voice and walk in purity?

Dr. Naomi Ellis

Number three: Do the people who love me most and walk closest with God feel peace about this connection, or are they expressing persistent concern?

Erica R Bell

And number four: Am I ignoring red flags in behavior just because they use religious language?

Ezra James i

If those questions brought up some uncomfortable truths, here is a practical protocol to put into place starting right now. Step one: Implement a mandatory sixty day observation window. No spiritual declarations, no calling each other soulmates, no rushing into joint ministry plans. Just observe character in low stakes settings.

Selah Grace

Step two: Seek explicit feedback from three trusted spiritual leaders or mature Christian friends who are brave enough to tell you the truth, not just what you want to hear.

Ezra James i

And step three: Establish firm emotional and physical pacing boundaries. Clarity grows in calm environments, not in high intensity emotional pressure cookers.

Dr. Naomi Ellis

Amen. Let us pray together right now. Father God, we come before you asking for courageous discernment for every listener tuned in today. Grant them the grace to see people as they truly are, not as they wish them to be. Holy Spirit, be the umpire in their hearts. Give them the strength to walk away from counterfeit connections, even when it hurts, and the patience to wait for the wholeness, alignment, and peace that comes from your true divine timing. In Jesus name, Amen.

Erica R Bell

Amen. Remember, releasing a wrong fit is never a loss of faith. It is an act of deep trust in God. Thank you for walking through this with us today on Faithful Love Chronicles. Be blessed, keep your heart guarded, and we will talk to you next time.